My World's Best Mom Has Passed

Just a quick post to let everyone that follows this blog know that my mom has passed away.  She would have been 90 years old in October, and I had her love and guidance for over 70 years.  I thank God for that time and I know he is protecting her soul today.

Mushy

LOOKING FORWARD

Back in the fall of 2010, I never would have thought I would still be alive!  

What with two stomach operations and surgery for kidney cancer, it seemed doubtful at times, especially those two weeks following my first Nissen fundoplication, when the doctor inadvertently stitched a nerve that controlled my diaphragm!  I could hardly walk across the room, and showering made it necessary for my wife to towel me off.  I would almost pass out from lack of oxygen.

With the help of God and a little retraining of my diaphragm muscle, I overcame that, and lived to have the same surgery again!

Just about the time I got over that, I discovered that I had a tumor on my left kidney.  Other than the pain drugs I was given, I made it through that pretty well.

So, yeah, honestly, when I look back I thought 2010 would be my last year on earth.  This September, it will only have been two years since the cancer scare, but it seems so much longer.

Now, I sit here, knowing that tomorrow morning I'll be again put to sleep for a "green laser" procedure on my prostate.  Not a real serious thing, but enough to give me pause to reflect.  I was once told that every time you are anesthetized, and put to sleep, you lose a little something!  Whether or not that true remains to be discovered, I just know I can't afford to drop off any brain power!  I guess that bothers me more than anything, but it has to be done.

So, this past week, knowing what I'm facing again, I tried to lose myself in the real life going on around me.  

Take last week's sixth birthday party for Lily!  What a day I had.  Again, I was on a t-ball field watching a granddaughter learning and playing the game.  How wonderful it is to be alive and having the privilege again of experiencing what I did with Katie Bug.  The best part, I still have Kinsley to go!

Lily will learn the game and teach her younger sister the ropes, and ol' Papaw will be on the sidelines grinning all over himself!

Lily also turned six on the same day.  To be with her, her sister, and my son and his wife, is pure love from above.  My heart gets so overjoyed that tears come to my eyes.

Right in the middle, came Mother's Day.  I love fixing the traditional hamburger for my mom, even if this year I had to stand in the rain to do it!  As you can see, I was successful, and it was all worth it to see that big smile!

I also got to be with Tracy, Katie, and Eddie to share a laugh or two.  Since Katie is off in school most days, it's always good to be with her every second I can.  She was the first, and we connected deeply in those early days.  We went on "ventures", finding out together where little overlooked roads led, and just talking about everything.  I miss that...so much, but now she's off, probably soon making a family of her own...more kids for me to spoil!

Lily also, it's been a good couple of weeks for her, graduated from kindergarten.  One Papaw, one Pop-pop, and one Baboo, along with one Gramby, one BeeBee, and one Momma Judy sat in the audience with huge grins and hearts, with eyes focused on her alone.  It probably was special for mom and dad too, but grandparents realize what is going on.  We are calling back all the days gone past when we really didn't pay close enough attention, and we don't want those moments to get away from us again.

It's like when we notice that the new puppy has grown up, we wish we could have kept it at that small and tender age when they had that beautiful puppy breath!  We know we can't keep them young forever, but grand children let us relive all those lost moments all over again.  Forgive us when we encourage you to have another child...that's all we're trying to do, to keep you young forever!

So, my prayer is that I'll again have more tomorrows and more Katie, Lily, and Kinsley to have "silly-time" with.  It's all I ever wanted...honestly!  

IT WAS A THREE DOG VISIT

I took my little momma to see her #2 son this week.  It was just from Wednesday afternoon until Friday noon, but it was a good short time!

Wade and his wife have just completed a part of their planned home update, which thus far has included a new pool and remodeled garage, and even though mom had already seen photos, she was anxious to see what they had accomplished in person.  

We had an uneventful 248 mile ride over to Lincolnton, NC from Harriman, except for a little brake rubbing coming down the mountain west of Asheville.  I didn't think I had been using them that much, but apparently it was enough to build up some heat in them. 

Shine on Tennessee moon!

The stretch from the I-81/I-40 split to Canton just seems like forever.  You cannot doze either going up or coming down that Black Mountain stretch, or you'll end up hitting a "jersey" bumper, drive into a tunnel wall, or run under a tractor-trail rig!  It's extremely stressful driving that road, with several sand ramps that stop runaway 18-wheelers to remind you of the inherent dangers.

Finally into Lincolnton, we pulled up, honked the horn, and promptly shouted, "Mountain folk!" like my dad always did when we used to arrive "down home"!

I GOT MY EYE ON YOU!

Wade greeted us outside with big hugs and then took us inside past his babies...three rather huge Rottweilers, who immediately checked us out.  Two of the dogs smelled us over, and after offering the back of our hands to smell, they allowed us to pet them on the head.  A third one, Neo, kept his distance after a brief sniff, and he watched us closely the entire visit.  The other two, Ursa, the oldest at 10 years, and Kong, yes, the name of this 147 lb. baby fits him to a tee, soon forgot about us and paid little attention to us unless they wanted some loving!  He would just waddle to any area he wanted, and spread out!  He often pushed the couch out of the way with his weight!

"Where does a 147 pound dog sleep...anywhere he pleases!"

THIS IS KONG - 147 LBS. OF LOVE!

During the construction of the new kitchen, bathrooms, pool, and garage, a couple of unlucky workers got a little squeeze on the thigh between the huge jaws of Kong and Neo!  Once there was some skin broken, but apparently the workers had surprised them and the dogs quickly reminded them who was boss!

NEO WATCHING ME!

I was already somewhat nervous around Neo, and tried not to show it, however, after hearing these stories I made sure I said his name when moving about, or coming into, the room.  His eyes never left me and I made sure I didn't invade his space.

URSA

However, the visit was a good one, with homemade tacos and chili, and several libations, including a Sam Adams Black Lager, which I had never tried, and a little sip of some "good ol' Tennessee mountain dew"!

As Wade says, "This is why we call'em broads!"

Mom, bless her heart, stayed with Wade and Lynn, but was afraid to come out of her room at night.  Luckily there was a bathroom just across the hall, but she didn't dare go to the kitchen during the night for water or a snack!  I don't think the dogs would have hurt her, but she was afraid she would make them bark and wake everyone up!  So, even though she got hungry during the night, she waited until morning, and after hearing Wade up, to venture out of her room.

Me...well, I had stayed there once before, sleeping in the living room with eyes on me every time I moved.  So, I got a room in a nearby motel and enjoyed their complementary country breakfast without those watchful eyes around!

Mostly we just sat in the shade by the "cement pond" (actually fiberglass) and talked.  It was a peaceful time in Wade's quiet neighborhood.  The temperatures were decent, for a change, and they actually dropped down into the 50s and 60s Friday.  This was probably the last week their pool will be open until spring.  Soon, as I reminded Wade, all the leaves in the area will drop into his pool! (I've been there...done that!)

So, we came back Friday...also uneventful.  

The next trip mom and I will take will be to the Williams Reunion in Florence, AL.  She and her sister Nell are the last of the elders in our family.  It will soon be up to us second-cousins to carry on the traditions....but I wonder how long that will last when even we are gone.

AS TIME GOES BY...IT GETS LONELIER

Since my mom lost her closest friends over the past two years, see has held up pretty well, but I can tell she needs to talk to someone, or to go somewhere, once in a while just to keep up her spirits.  She and her friends Virginia and Oz used to go shopping and eat out at least once a week.  In between times, she and "the ladies" would visit with each other, or talk outside their condos when working in their flowers, check the mail, or taking out the garbage.

They were very close, close enough that the two ladies were with mom and me the morning in '06 when Bill, mom's last husband, died.  They saw to it that she was comforted, took rest occasionally, or just sat and listened to her sorrow.

Her shopping companion and confidant, of late, has become my wife Judy.  She often calls just to talk to Judy, and when she has an appointment at the doctor, I can tell she would just as soon it be Judy that takes her.  She trusts Judy's judgement in drape colors, furniture style, and with her financial business.  I can understand it too, Judy's had control of my pocketbook for over 30 years, and I know she's as honest as the day is long.

Mom just called while I was writing this, just to tell me how much she appreciated us bringing Lily by to see her today.  "She sure is sweet, isn't she...and smart!  I could tell she wasn't too comfortable standing by me for that picture, but she just don't know me too well."

I apologized to her for not bringing her by more often, and, of course, she understands how life is.

"The other girls (her other granddaughters) act a little more lately, 'cause I don't see them very often either," she said sadly.

I agreed that we could all do more to see that she gets more visits from them.

I call mom every evening after the news just to say hi, and to be sure she is okay.  I also certainly don't want to know she fell and couldn't get up.  That would just haunt me for the rest of my life!  

She still drives to the store weekly, but I know there is coming a day soon that I'll have to do more and more of that for her.  

She has had several dental appointments lately, and is still facing having all her upper teeth pulled next week.  Judy and/or I will spend a couple of nights with her after that surgery to make sure she eats and does well.  As time goes by, there will be other nights spent at her house, until finally a day comes when she says she's ready to move to an assisted-living facility.  I will leave that totally up to her, because I know how she feels about all that, and I also know that she would tell me when the time comes.

Sunday we called her and invited her to go to see a stage play at Roane State, here locally, and she jumped at the chance.  She thoroughly enjoyed the play, called "The Diviners", but I could tell she was just happy to be out and with people that loved her.

We picked her up and chauffeured around the county like she was the queen, and after the play we went to the Cracker Barrel and ate.  She, at a 100 pounds soaking wet, ate like a little pig!  She always eats more when she has somebody to talk to and share a laugh or memory or two.  She ordered meat loaf and soft vegetables, since she is missing several upper teeth, but managed to put the majority of the meal away!

It's important that the family, her sons, her grand and great-granddaughters, daughter and sons-in-laws all see to it that she gets lots of attention for these next few years - visits, calls, cards, and kiddie visits!  Odds are she doesn't have that many left and we sure don't need to end up with regrets.  She gave us all life and happiness and it's the very least we should do.

She wanted to pay for the meal Sunday, but I told her I didn't want to be beholding to her for anything!  I was kidding, but she came back with, "Oh, but you are."

It's true...I owe her everything.  Besides giving me life, she formed my moral values...she's responsible for who I am today.

Love ya mom!

A LOVELY DAY IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD

I visited my mom this morning and stayed until after lunch. She is doing well now and her appetite has been changed by the Prednisone her pulmonary has put her on. This steroid should help clear her lungs of fluid and inflammation. I’m hoping to take her home Wednesday.

She wanted KFC, not the wimpy stuff either, the full fat original recipe dark meat with slaw, mac and cheese, and a big biscuit! She loves her some KFC biscuits! She ate both pieces of chicken and a large portion of the sides. I was so happy to see her eat like that!

I left early so I could get home and see Lily. It’s been two weeks since I’ve gotten to see her, so I met her and Judy at Riverfront Park in Harriman. Lily had made friends with a little girl about a year younger and they became each other’s shadows.

The two girls played hard for about 2 hours in the cool, clear, fall air, with the bright colored trees in the background. The little one even learned to slip down the slide on her belly like the older one. It is a shame the two girls may never see each other again.

It took a little gentle coaxing to get her back in the car seat, but we were soon at home, and she was tucked in for an afternoon nap.

Before she knew it, her dad arrived to gather her and her day-school things up for the ride to their house. Corey, Judy, and I visited for about 30 minutes before waking her, but it was time enough to ask Corey to accompany me to the Joe Bonamassa concert Tuesday evening. He agreed, so I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s night on the town!

More on that later!

It was a lovely day in our neighborhood!

PURVEYOR OF GOOD NEWS

It’s blurry, but it was worth documenting the good news mom’s doctor brought us this morning, “No recurrence of the tumor,” she said, meaning that mom’s 2001 cancer has not come back.

Mom has been in the hospital a week today with a diagnosis of pneumonia. The CT scan confirmed the pneumonia is in the upper right lung and the lower left lung. However, with the antibiotics and breathing treatments over this past week, mom is much improved. She is eating well, and walking each day around the floor.

When we arrived at the emergency room last Sunday, she could barely walk or breathe, and had a temperature of 101. After a four hour wait, she was diagnosed and admitted.

She is still plagued with a debilitating cough that leaves her weak, gasping for breath, and hoarse. Her family doctor has now referred her to a lung (pulmonary) doctor, whose job it will be to rid her of the fluid and infection in her lungs, and therefore, the cough.

I’m hoping she will be discharged by mid-week.

Prior to the CT, an x-ray raised suspicions of a cancer recurrence, but it could not be accurately determined through the fluid surrounding the lungs. Today’s CT scan relieved us all and now she can get on with the business of getting well.

Just outside her hospital window, a beautiful fall is waiting to make her ride home even more enjoyable.

SISTERS, BROTHERS, RIBS, AND CATFISH

My mom (on right) is 82 years old and out of her 6 siblings, only her brother Tom (center) and sister Nell (on left) remain. It’s getting harder for them to visit and be together. They are getting up in age and mom lives the furthest away in Kingston, Tennessee, with Nell near Huntsville, Alabama, and Tom in Florence, Alabama.

Tom is still the most capable of traveling; being around 10 years younger than the other two surviving Williams children, but even visits are becoming more infrequent. So, it is up to me to get mom to Alabama so they can gather and be a family for a little while a couple of times each year.

Nell is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and the other two siblings know that in time she will not remember them. Already she tells stories of their youth that neither of the other two remembers in quite the same way. During last week’s visit, Nell was telling a story of her and mom sitting on their grandmother’s back porch hammering nails when two Indians came out of the house. Mom and Tom do not remember anything about this, but I do remember being told that Grandmother Johnston’s brothers used to come visit her, and they were Indians. So, part of the story may in fact be true.

Great grandmother Johnston was a Morrison of North Alabama and was half if not full bloodied Indian. I’m not sure if she was from the Cherokee Indians of the area or another tribe that lived in the area. We know there were at least some Yuchi Indians around, but since we can’t verify much about the Morrison’s it remains unfounded. Most likely they were Cherokee.

Aunt Nell also was telling a story how great Grandfather Johnston first came upon his future wife, and Indian maiden, standing on the bank of the Tennessee River. The story goes he was very struck by her appearance and, to make a long story short, loaded her up and took her home with him.

That blood line and the Cherokee bloodline from the Mashburn side of the family is proof of my heritage. Maybe that’s why I always wanted to be the Indian when we played cowboys and Indians in the neighborhood. It was in my blood.

Anyway, I am moved to tears when I look at the photo of the three siblings sitting on Uncle Tom’s couch – Nell on the left and mom on the right of their remaining brother Tom. The literally had to be touching each other during the visit, as if they know time is their enemy. To make knowing that time will take each of them, they know that Nell may slip away from them even before she is gone.

In lighter moments, the evening we arrived Tom’s wife Carolyn had prepared BBQ ribs, potato salad, slaw, rolls, and other wonderful things like cheesecake for us. Uncle Lee and Aunt Nell drove down to eat with us and Nell and mom got to talk old times. That evening, Nell seemed to be completely together and they talked and laughed well into the evening. Also eating with us was one of Tom’s daughters, Amy and her beau Ken. I thoroughly enjoyed Stuart…he reminded me of my eye doctor, and seemed just as smart!

The last evening we all went to eat at Walton’s Restaurant near Elgin Crossroads, Alabama, and just a few miles north of Wheeler Dam on Hwy 101. Walton’s serves the best catfish in the North Alabama area and it is a “must” when we go down for a visit. The jalapeño hushpuppies they bring out for an appetizer “are to die for” and you have to force yourself to stop eating them or there will be no room for the catfish! Oh yeah, if you go, you must try the Possum Pie!

Nell and Lee and Tom’s daughter Gina met us there and we had a great time.

I always dread “going home” as mom refers to the trip, but once there I always have a great time. They are wonderful people and Judy and I enjoy being around them. Tom also entertained us with his new Wii and I pulled a “buttock” muscle bowling! You really can get a workout on those things! I also like the cow racing!

So, we made plans to go back in September when there will be a big Indian meet at Spring Park in Tuscumbia, Alabama. I look forward to that very much…maybe there will be some kinfolks there too!

CONCERTS LOST – FRIENDSHIPS RENEWED

Almost a month ago, I ordered tickets online for “The Raconteurs” that were appearing at the Ryman Theater in Nashville, Tennessee. The email confirmation I received, complete with official transaction number, and total paid, said that a follow up email would announce the arrival of my tickets, 48 prior to the event.

I then got online and made hotel reservations within walking distance of the venue, and forgot about it.

The concert was scheduled for Tuesday night (9/30), so since I had not received the tickets I called TicketsNow Monday and asked what was going on. They said that the tickets had been purchased just prior to my purchase, and that they had been trying to get in touch with me. They said they sent two emails with no response. I asked why they hadn’t called me - the number plainly on the purchase order!?

Anyway, the only tickets left were behind columns in the old theater, so I canceled everything, including the hotel.

As an aside, I had told my mother that Judy and I would take her to her long-time friend’s house in Gallatin, Tennessee for the night, while we attended the concert. Sadie has been a friend of the family for hundreds of years…so it seems.

She and mom first met in Sunday school years ago, and became fast friends. When my dad became too sick to work, and retired from TVA with a medical, mom decided to go to work. She decided to become a nurse’s aide. She asked Sadie to go to the classes with her even if she never worked. Sadie agreed, and as it turned out Sadie actually worked longer than mother did!

I say all this to illustrate their bond. They haven’t been able to visit much due to their ages and health, so we decided to go on to Nashville as planned and let them have the day to visit. Judy and I made plans to shop and visit some local attractions, and mom was to call me when she was ready to go home. (Note: Nashville is only a little over a hundred miles away, so a day-trip is easy.)

[PHOTO: Sadie is on the left, mom is on the right, and Sadie’s son Robert is hugged up in the middle.]

They thoroughly enjoyed the day and caught up on all the recent events, and probably shared a tear or two. Mom lost her third husband, Bill, in February of 2006 and Sadie’s husband Robert died in April that year. I overheard Sadie remind mom that the last time they saw each other, over 4 years ago, both men were in wheelchairs. Mom told us later, as people of her generation tend to do, she and Sadie had visited the graveyard where Robert is buried, and then dined at the Cracker Barrel.

When Judy and I left, the first order of business on our mind was food! We watched as all the signs scrolled by, trying to decide what we wanted for a “quick lunch”! I have been craving Chinese food for some time, so when I saw “Peking Chinese Restaurant” I quickly checked the place out. From the outside it appeared the place used to be a Pizza Hut or something, and needed a coat of paint, but there were so many cars parked around the place we knew it must be a local favorite.

It was delicious…as you can see in the photo of the Kung Pao Chicken I had! So, if you are ever in the Lebanon, Tennessee area, look for it!

Judy then wanted to shop at an outlet mall at the Lebanon exit off I-40, so we killed some time and money there!

We actually killed enough time there, that by the time we had toured Cedars of Lebanon State Park, and stopped to take this photo of the Cedarvine Manor, a bed and breakfast, mom was calling. After a five hour visit, she was ready to go home.

When I said goodnight to hear at her door, she hugged me and thanked me again for taking her to see Sadie. “You just don’t know what that meant to me!”

Well, that meant something to me as well.