AS TIME GOES BY...IT GETS LONELIER

Since my mom lost her closest friends over the past two years, see has held up pretty well, but I can tell she needs to talk to someone, or to go somewhere, once in a while just to keep up her spirits.  She and her friends Virginia and Oz used to go shopping and eat out at least once a week.  In between times, she and "the ladies" would visit with each other, or talk outside their condos when working in their flowers, check the mail, or taking out the garbage.

They were very close, close enough that the two ladies were with mom and me the morning in '06 when Bill, mom's last husband, died.  They saw to it that she was comforted, took rest occasionally, or just sat and listened to her sorrow.

Her shopping companion and confidant, of late, has become my wife Judy.  She often calls just to talk to Judy, and when she has an appointment at the doctor, I can tell she would just as soon it be Judy that takes her.  She trusts Judy's judgement in drape colors, furniture style, and with her financial business.  I can understand it too, Judy's had control of my pocketbook for over 30 years, and I know she's as honest as the day is long.

Mom just called while I was writing this, just to tell me how much she appreciated us bringing Lily by to see her today.  "She sure is sweet, isn't she...and smart!  I could tell she wasn't too comfortable standing by me for that picture, but she just don't know me too well."

I apologized to her for not bringing her by more often, and, of course, she understands how life is.

"The other girls (her other granddaughters) act a little more lately, 'cause I don't see them very often either," she said sadly.

I agreed that we could all do more to see that she gets more visits from them.

I call mom every evening after the news just to say hi, and to be sure she is okay.  I also certainly don't want to know she fell and couldn't get up.  That would just haunt me for the rest of my life!  

She still drives to the store weekly, but I know there is coming a day soon that I'll have to do more and more of that for her.  

She has had several dental appointments lately, and is still facing having all her upper teeth pulled next week.  Judy and/or I will spend a couple of nights with her after that surgery to make sure she eats and does well.  As time goes by, there will be other nights spent at her house, until finally a day comes when she says she's ready to move to an assisted-living facility.  I will leave that totally up to her, because I know how she feels about all that, and I also know that she would tell me when the time comes.

Sunday we called her and invited her to go to see a stage play at Roane State, here locally, and she jumped at the chance.  She thoroughly enjoyed the play, called "The Diviners", but I could tell she was just happy to be out and with people that loved her.

We picked her up and chauffeured around the county like she was the queen, and after the play we went to the Cracker Barrel and ate.  She, at a 100 pounds soaking wet, ate like a little pig!  She always eats more when she has somebody to talk to and share a laugh or memory or two.  She ordered meat loaf and soft vegetables, since she is missing several upper teeth, but managed to put the majority of the meal away!

It's important that the family, her sons, her grand and great-granddaughters, daughter and sons-in-laws all see to it that she gets lots of attention for these next few years - visits, calls, cards, and kiddie visits!  Odds are she doesn't have that many left and we sure don't need to end up with regrets.  She gave us all life and happiness and it's the very least we should do.

She wanted to pay for the meal Sunday, but I told her I didn't want to be beholding to her for anything!  I was kidding, but she came back with, "Oh, but you are."

It's true...I owe her everything.  Besides giving me life, she formed my moral values...she's responsible for who I am today.

Love ya mom!

ME AND MY LITTLE MOMMA

I try and visit mom at least once a week, but I do call her every night. She is 81 and has been alone now for over 2 years, and I’m afraid she might fall or get too weak from not eating enough and not be able to get to the phone. Last week I panicked, after trying to call her on the phone and her cell well after 10 PM. So, we dashed over to her house, some twenty minutes away, and got no response at the door. I used my spare keys and went inside. The house was dark, and I so afraid to go into her bedroom. In my mind, I could see her lying on the floor or crumpled in the shower, and as Judy held her breath I flicked on my flashlight and walked through the house. She was not there!

I was about to call her neighbors when I decided to try her cellphone once more. “Hello?”

“Where in the hell are you?”

“Well, I’m just about home, where are you?”

“I’m standing in your living room!”

“I was afraid of that. I went to the concert at Roane State I told you about, and had to turn my cell off. I thought that you may have called and I turned it on as soon as I could. Sorry.”

“That’s okay…you’re alive! We’ll be here when you arrive.”

It all worked out well, but reinforced the idea of an alert device for her, so that if she falls “…and can’t get up…” at least she will have a way to summon help. This happened to Ron Southern a couple of weeks ago, so I’m going to lobby hard for the purchase.

I am about to go over now and check a leaking toilet for her (update – fixed). I know we’ll end up out in the yard looking at her prize flowers, like her fringe tree and irises. She still piddles in the yard, cooks, cleans her own house, shops, and sometimes drives to North Carolina or Alabama to see my brother or hers. I just wish I had gotten the skinny gene from her, but alas I got the barreled-chested, round man gene from dad!

Mom is having cataract surgery the 6^th and there have been at least 3 preliminary post-op visits that I’ve taken her since they dilate her eyes. But most of the time she makes it to all her appointments without any help or concern.

I’m having the last of a series of dental visits around the same time. It seems that she and I both require a lot of maintenance these days!

Bruno, FHB, and Goddess are always teasing me about how I seem to always have my camera…well, it’s true…I miss little! I’ve learned that there is a lot out there to blog about, and I’ve also learned that you can’t document your life enough. Judy has asked me a couple of times this week about something we’ve done and it’s just not there! Old-timers? Hmmm…could be…but I rarely forget anything I’ve taken a photo of…like these I took at the dentist yesterday while I was waiting!

I am amazed at the new technology this new guy has going on! His cute little help took x-rays of my teeth, but instead of film, they pop up on a computer screen right in front of you! Very cool...I couldn't resist sneaking these shots!

It turns out I have little cracks in two of my teeth caused by the expansion and contraction of the old filling metal. I had these filled, the first two I'd ever had, when I was 18 years old. He will replace that material with a new "composite" that chemically bonds to, and matches the color of, my teeth, plus it expands and contracts similar to enamel, which does not causes cracks! Great, I can continue eating ice and corn nuts like I've always done.

WHAT MOMMA SAID

Mama told me when I was young

Come sit beside me, my only son

And listen closely to what I say.

And if you do this

It'll help you some sunny day.

Oh, take your time...

Don't live too fast,

Troubles will come and they will pass.

Go find a woman, oh baby, you'll find love,

And don't forget son,

There is someone up above.

(Chorus)

And be a simple kind of man.

Be something you love and understand.

Baby be a simple, kind of man.

Oh, won't you do this for me son,

If you can?

SIMPLE MAN - (Gary Rossington - Ronnie VanZant)

My mother and I were very close, at least up until the time my brother was born, but I at least got to enjoy ten years as the center of attention. We spent many nights lying in bed discussing life and one of the best times was when we decided on a name for my brother. My dad often worked out of town and only came home on the weekends, at which time I spent the night in my folding/roll-away bed in the living room.

It was kind of nice getting to help chose a name for your brother. Mom liked Wade, I think because of a family friend who owned a dry cleaners business in town, so the decision was what went well with Wade. I had a good friend at school whose name I always liked, much better than mine, so we tried it – Wade Dennis, no, Dennis Wade, yes…perfect! It was settled, and it turned out much better than being named after your mom’s school bus driver, as was I!

Mom has always been a guiding light for me. It was not through her higher education, because I do not think she ever graduated from high school, but through her innate sense of common logic. I guess, to put it plainly, I would say she just knew what made the most sense in any situation – basic common or horse sense. She remains my source of right from wrong - the root of my moral fiber.

The first lesson she taught me was always tell the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

This life lesson began innocently one day when I was about seven or eight years old. A matching curtain and sofa slipcover salesman had visited our downstairs apartment and made a failed attempt at selling mom. She side-stepped him by saying she needed time to think about it, so he left promising to return the following week to discuss her decision. I could tell mom was glad he left and she mentioned to my dad that she just did not like the man.

The next week soon came and as mom started through the apartment she noticed the salesman’s trouser legs coming down the steps to our basement apartment. In a whispered shout she told me to come to her side and then shoved me into the bedroom. Down behind the bed she pulled me just as the salesman knocked on the door.

“Shhhhh” she said, “be very quiet.” We laid on the floor and listen to four or five frustrated knocks on the door, but he eventually gave up and left. Mom and I watched as he walked up the steps until his legs and shoes finally disappeared.

It was then I got to ask why. “Because, I don’t won’t to buy his curtains and I just don’t like him.” That was good enough for me and did not ask any more questions.

Mom and dad discussed the incident at supper and after saying it out loud again and thinking about it she decided that she had not done the right thing. “Next time he comes I won’t hide from him and I’ll just be honest about it.”

A few weeks later I was playing up in the front yard by the street when the salesman pulled up and got out of his car with his big bulky bag. As he came through the gate into the yard and started toward the steps that led down to our apartment, I said proudly, “Hey mister, go on down…my momma said she won’t hide from you this time!”

The second lesson came later in life and was two-fold: you never know who is watching and you represent your mother out in the world!

Did your mother ever tell you “A little birdie told me” when she found out about something bad you had done? Well, mine did and I hated that little bird. I suppose that is why I shot up so many tubes of BBs in my day with the old Red Ryder!

That little dirty birdie kept me in line up through grade school, but in high school she had to improve the psychology by telling me about people that had seen me out and about, and what they thought of me. “Oh, Ms. Jones saw you yesterday and she said you were a perfect gentleman.”

“Huh? Ms. WHO? Where?”

“Oh, when you were downtown I suppose. Did you see her?”

“Ah, no…who is she now?” All the time I am going over what I had done the day before and if it was good or bad!

I realized that I was a witness in the world to the kind of mother I had. If I did wrong, it reflected on her. I still got into things I should not have, but I was very careful and very afraid that someone would see me and tell my mom. But worst of all, that they might think she was not the perfect example of a mother.

That is what witnessing is all about – if you do wrong and you have been out there purporting that you are, oh say a “Christian”, then you are reflecting poorly on the perfect example.