SAYING A FINAL GOODBYE TO UNCLE TOM AND REKINDELING OLD RELATIONSHIPS

Within fourteen hours of being told he had a “mass” on his kidney and liver, Uncle Tom passed away quietly in a Florence, Alabama hospital last week. On Wednesday evening the family gathered to support Aunt Carolyn (and each other) in her grief. She had gone home to get a few things to make her overnight stay in the hospital room more comfortable; when she got the call telling her Tom had slipped away. She feels badly that she wasn’t there, but he was talking to her when she left. It was quite a shock to everyone and only began sinking in at the funeral services on Thursday morning.

It was too quick for the family, but quick enough that he didn’t suffer.

The family gathered on a hillside in Sheffield, Alabama, just across the river from Florence, to say goodbye. Uncle Tom served in the United States Air Force for over 20 years, so the Air Force sent a detail to the funeral. It was a very touching funeral with taps, an honor guard firing rounds in the air, the flag being removed and folded, and finally being presented to Aunt Carolyn.

After the pastor read from the Bible and said his prayer, the pallbearers filed by and left their boutonnières on top of the coffin.

The earlier service was marked by one of his granddaughters reading a poem she had written, one of his daughters reading letters received from friends who couldn’t make it, and a prayer Tom had written in his personal Bible. I read a few words that were heavy on my heart that centered on the “black pepper” incident I once posted.

As is normal for most extended families, we don’t see each other more than a couple of times each year, sometimes its twenty years, and more often than not, the circumstances revolve around a tragedy. “The Cousins” enjoyed seeing each other and we always take the time to take a group shot. We were missing a few in this one, but we are discussing an annual reunion that will keep us in touch. I’ve also encouraged Facebook as a means of staying involved in each others lives, and I have already added several cousins to my “relatives” list.

I don’t know what it is about the “cousins”, but they always make me “act up” and this gathering was no different. I was going around taking one handed photos of me and various cousins…usually the girls for some reason, and having a great time making them laugh.

Happy as we were, we missed, and will miss, Uncle Tom. For the past couple of decades he has kept the family close, taking grandmother’s place as the focal point for our family. It’s now up to us to keep the relationship going. I’m hoping Facebook and a possible annual reunion will do the trick. Otherwise, there is no doubt that we will drift further and further apart. Since we still enjoy “playing” with each other, as we did as kids, that would be an even worse tragedy.

UNCLE TOM HAS PASSED AWAY

In my previous post I mentioned that my Uncle Tom (in the center) was sick...well, he died this morning at 3AM.

It was just two weeks ago that he was visiting here locally with my mom and giving me a big hug. Now, within two weeks he's gone! Man...we should all be so lucky when our times come. At least he didn't have to suffer through chemo and a lot of pain. His kidneys shut down and he went down hill fast.

As you can see in the 2 or 3 post I've had about him (you can search for them if you're interested), I will miss him a lot. He was special to me...laughed at every joke I ever told!

My mom, on the right in the shot above, has no lost 3 husbands, 4 brothers, and 1 sister. Neither her or Aunt Nell (on the left) ever expected to outlive their younger brother Tom.

SISTERS, BROTHERS, RIBS, AND CATFISH

My mom (on right) is 82 years old and out of her 6 siblings, only her brother Tom (center) and sister Nell (on left) remain. It’s getting harder for them to visit and be together. They are getting up in age and mom lives the furthest away in Kingston, Tennessee, with Nell near Huntsville, Alabama, and Tom in Florence, Alabama.

Tom is still the most capable of traveling; being around 10 years younger than the other two surviving Williams children, but even visits are becoming more infrequent. So, it is up to me to get mom to Alabama so they can gather and be a family for a little while a couple of times each year.

Nell is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and the other two siblings know that in time she will not remember them. Already she tells stories of their youth that neither of the other two remembers in quite the same way. During last week’s visit, Nell was telling a story of her and mom sitting on their grandmother’s back porch hammering nails when two Indians came out of the house. Mom and Tom do not remember anything about this, but I do remember being told that Grandmother Johnston’s brothers used to come visit her, and they were Indians. So, part of the story may in fact be true.

Great grandmother Johnston was a Morrison of North Alabama and was half if not full bloodied Indian. I’m not sure if she was from the Cherokee Indians of the area or another tribe that lived in the area. We know there were at least some Yuchi Indians around, but since we can’t verify much about the Morrison’s it remains unfounded. Most likely they were Cherokee.

Aunt Nell also was telling a story how great Grandfather Johnston first came upon his future wife, and Indian maiden, standing on the bank of the Tennessee River. The story goes he was very struck by her appearance and, to make a long story short, loaded her up and took her home with him.

That blood line and the Cherokee bloodline from the Mashburn side of the family is proof of my heritage. Maybe that’s why I always wanted to be the Indian when we played cowboys and Indians in the neighborhood. It was in my blood.

Anyway, I am moved to tears when I look at the photo of the three siblings sitting on Uncle Tom’s couch – Nell on the left and mom on the right of their remaining brother Tom. The literally had to be touching each other during the visit, as if they know time is their enemy. To make knowing that time will take each of them, they know that Nell may slip away from them even before she is gone.

In lighter moments, the evening we arrived Tom’s wife Carolyn had prepared BBQ ribs, potato salad, slaw, rolls, and other wonderful things like cheesecake for us. Uncle Lee and Aunt Nell drove down to eat with us and Nell and mom got to talk old times. That evening, Nell seemed to be completely together and they talked and laughed well into the evening. Also eating with us was one of Tom’s daughters, Amy and her beau Ken. I thoroughly enjoyed Stuart…he reminded me of my eye doctor, and seemed just as smart!

The last evening we all went to eat at Walton’s Restaurant near Elgin Crossroads, Alabama, and just a few miles north of Wheeler Dam on Hwy 101. Walton’s serves the best catfish in the North Alabama area and it is a “must” when we go down for a visit. The jalapeño hushpuppies they bring out for an appetizer “are to die for” and you have to force yourself to stop eating them or there will be no room for the catfish! Oh yeah, if you go, you must try the Possum Pie!

Nell and Lee and Tom’s daughter Gina met us there and we had a great time.

I always dread “going home” as mom refers to the trip, but once there I always have a great time. They are wonderful people and Judy and I enjoy being around them. Tom also entertained us with his new Wii and I pulled a “buttock” muscle bowling! You really can get a workout on those things! I also like the cow racing!

So, we made plans to go back in September when there will be a big Indian meet at Spring Park in Tuscumbia, Alabama. I look forward to that very much…maybe there will be some kinfolks there too!

A SEASONED BOND

Uncle Tom was my hero, the youngest brother to my mom, and the last to leave home. He was there when I first remember going to grandmother’s house in Alabama, living in the back room where I was not allowed, because it was off limits to a little boy with too much energy.

Tom was almost ten years older than I was; just about the same number of years that now separates my brother and me. To me Tom was there to play with me, and when he did not want to, I would “try self” as I was known to say and do in those days. To “try” myself meant I would through a small fit – just a tiny one. The attractive fit consisted of standing in one place, stomping my feet up and down, and flapping both my ears with my hands as I screamed!

I suddenly stopped “trying myself” one day a few years later when a man, a stranger to me who worked with my dad, got into the backseat where I was engaged in one of my tantrums. I only became aware of him as he said in a loud voice, “Here son, let me clean you off a place,” as he took off his ball cap and made dusting moves back and forth in the floorboard near my feet. “Now, have your self a big ol’ fit!” and laughed.

That one moment shocked me so much that from that day forward I never had another tirade! I was just too ashamed to be caught like that again I suppose.

Meanwhile, back to Uncle Tom who was about to fall victim to my mischievous spirit.

Having turned down my plea to play with me, he went into his sanctuary and lay back across his big feather bed. Once he entered the safety zone I knew it was useless to beg anymore, so I sat down and waited.

Several minutes later I tiptoed into his room and sprinkled black pepper onto his eyelids. To my surprise this did not awaken him. I got between him and the door and bumped his foot, screamed, and ran as hard and as fast as I could.

Uncle Tom woke up, blinked his eyes, and then suddenly jumped up yelling and rubbing his eyes! As soon as he could see his hands he knew exactly what had happened and with his eyes watering and his sight still blurred, he ran after me.

Around and around the house we went with Tom yelling at me and me screaming for my mother. I had “tried myself” one too many times and I figured he would kill me when he caught me, but I was a little faster and quicker than he was. The chase was not the fun I had hoped for, but at least he was playing with me – even if it was a weird kind of “catch me if you can!”

Tom joined the Air Force a few months after that and spent twenty years traveling around the world. He was always someone I looked up to and I actually entered the Air Force years later with a thought in the back of my mind to “be like Tom”, but because of Vietnam, I decided not to make it a career.

Nowadays I look forward to his visits and our trips to Alabama to watch his team play Tennessee. He raps his elephant on the head, it says “Roll Tide,” and I rap ol’ Smokey and he plays “Rocky Top!” We tease each other a lot and we love each other even more, because we have a special bond all seasoned with black pepper and no one can ever take that away.