Saturday, March 07, 2009


Judy and I went outside this morning and Baylee stood almost motionless in the front yard, head down, no interest in us at all, and when I held out the "pig ear" I usually give her when I'm leaving, she just turned her head.

Over the past week, she had two days where she laid around the house barely moving. One day, she lay in her bed for almost 14 hours before wanting to go outside. All this was strangely unusual for her, so we kept and eye on her. She drank and ate normally until last evening. We noticed today that she did not eat last night's food.

Judy and l left to drop my truck off to be washed, but the man didn't show, so we hurried back home. Judy had arrived first and was standing in the garage crying. "I can't find her anywhere and she won't come!"

I walked around the house and called and saw her move in the leaves in the woods above the house. She slowly made her way down the hill, her rear quarters shaking as she frequently stopped to rest.

I opened the back door of the truck and she immediately went up and tried, but could not make it without my help. I left Judy crying and headed for our local vet's office.

At the office, Baylee just lay in the floor, ignoring all the other dogs in the lobby. She shook all over as she tried to rest, and her breathing was quick. There seemed to be a mass sticking out from one side, and since she hadn't eaten, I knew she wasn't just full.

The vet, a lady that has seen her several times of the past 8 or 9 years, rubbed and kneaded the internal organs she could feel, while Baylee stood motionless, head down, and tongue out.

The veterinarian suggested a blood analysis, x-rays, and a sedated stay in the hospital. I allowed them to do the blood test, and after about 30 minutes the results came back. Her pancreas was highly inflamed and causing her liver to stress as well. The only way to tell if it was some bad she had eaten was to keep her off food and water for two days, then a series of abdominal x-rays, and possibly exploratory surgery! More than likely she said, Baylee has a tumor or tumors causing her distress. The cost to wait and see...probably close to $2k!

Since she had been sickly for several days, I knew it wasn't something she had eaten. She had had plenty of time to pass and get over something like that. In my mind, as the vet suggested, she had a tumor on her pancreas and/or her liver.

I watched at her shake as she tried to rest on the floor, knowing she was hurting, and at the emptiness in her eyes. I couldn't allow her to hurt for 2 or 3 more days. I told the doctor I could not afford what she was suggesting and I didn't want her to hurt anymore. God, if anyone understands pain these days, it's me!

I also elected not to be with her...I held Lacy when they gave her "the shot" and it has haunted me ever since. I walked by the check out window, told them to send me the bill, and got into my truck. I sobbed all the way home and every time Judy and I look at each other we begin again.

Yes, she was just a dog, but the best damn dog ever. I'll always miss her. Every time a storm comes up, I'll wonder if she's afraid. When it gets cold outside, I'll wonder if she's warm enough. Too many memories to be forgotten.

Daddy Dog loves you!


*Goddess* said...

Awww, I'm so sorry to hear about Baylee, Mushy. As you know, my Holly looks a lot like her, so I've always felt a bit of a "kinship" with Baylee.

After having to put two dogs and several cats to sleep, it never gets easy, but she's not in pain anymore.

Hopefully, you'll see her running in your dreams:)

Sarge Charlie said...

truly sorry Mr Mushey, there some things a person just should not have to do.

Loki said...

I'm sorry Paul. Not much I can say but that it's always hard to lose a true friend and member of the family like that.

FHB said...

Well brother, This one got me. I'm cryin' like a baby. I've been there before. I'm so sorry for the both of you. It's awful, havin' to do what you did. But you know you know it was the right thing. It's the very last sweet thing we can do for those who give us so many years of unconditional love. Give Judy a big hug for me and know that your baby is happier and better off where she is now.

Tincantom said...

Sorry man, Just because we have no choice does not make it any easier.
Check your email ...

Jose said...

I do not have pets because I don't know how to have them, never had one growing up. However I know that pet owners love their pets dearly and they become part of the family. As I read your post I had to shed a tear or two as I can only imagine what you and yours are going throug. So sorry to hear that my friend.

Muse Watson said...


Having just gone thru the same thing myself with my Sancho at Christmas, i truly feel the pain you must feel. There is little else that can be said. i am very sorry ..... Did Baylee get to go with you to Pepper Box? i bet that was a treat. Take care my friend.

Muse Watson

Mushy said...

Thanks guys and gals for your heartfelt means a lot to me during my grief.

No, Muse, I never took her there...not sure why, but she did do some hiking with me and had a big yard in which to play.

I'm reminded of your comment about Sancho, "Lord, please let me be the kind of man "Baylee" thought I was." What more can be said!

Scott from Oregon said...

"just a dog"? No way man. There is no such thing, especially when you and they are tied to each other emotionally.

I am so sorry.

You know I know all about how you feel...

(I'd tell ya to take a deep breathe and carry on but THAT WOULD HURT!)

I am sorry you lost a loving companion.

Mushy said...

Thanks Scott.

Suldog said...

Very sorry to hear this bad news, Mushy. Not suffering, though; that's the best gift you can give to a friend. God bless.

Grandpa-Old Soldier said...

I am so sorry, but that dosen't help what you feel right now. I had to have my Golden Retriever put down a couple of years ago. He was 11 and I got him at 6 weeks. The vet lives across the street from me, and she came over at 2 am to look at him, and said it would be better to let him go. she took him to her office which is just up from us about a half mile. My wife and kids went with her, but I could not bring myself to go. I'll tell you I cried like a baby and when I read your post, I got very choaked up. I am still not over it. We have three other dogs now, and I can't get close to any of them. Hang in there brother.

Mushy said...

I'm a little more accepting today and not blaming myself quite as much.

No, it takes a long time to feel better about it, but we never get over it.

PRH....... said...

Lost way too many over the years...and whether they go on their own sweet time or we have to do what is's never easy.

Redneck Texan said...


My condolences .... nothin' worse than the doggone blues.

I've lost 2 dogs in the last month myself.

My old buddy Smokey wandered off to die. He had ruled the yard with an iron paw for years, but his sons (Digger and Mushy) had recently figured out they could take him if they worked together.

I guess he couldn't stand to not be the King.

.....I hope at least your ribs are feelin' a little better.

Kate said...

Bless your heart for making the difficult choice to help her through her pain. I'm sure you'll see her at the rainbow bridge.