Saturday, September 09, 2006


Well alrighty then! I had so much fun doing the belt buckles post that I thought I would try at least one more similar. Who knows what I will find next week.

Monday was house-cleaning day at Mushy’s, a bi-weekly chore I share with my lovely bride of 26 years, known affectionately as “Sweet Angel’s Baby’s Doll Face” only to me. Now the secret is out and I’ll catch hell from the B&Ss-in-law about it!

During my cleaning tour I decided to clean out another drawer and a couple of World’s Fair, Yosemite Sam, and VOLS glasses that are collecting dust on my bedroom display shelves. This shelf holds my prize Mustang and AC Cobra Hot Wheels collection and gives my room the appearance of a little boy’s room. What the heck…I am a 60-year-old little boy and will forever be so! I dare you to try and make me otherwise!

Anyway, back to the intended task –

Appearing in the upper left corner is a tiny little sheriff’s badge from the Smoky Mountains. Who knows how long this has been waiting around to be seen and handled again? It’s kind of cute with a little black bear in the center.

Extending across the top are two crab-eating utensils obviously from Hooter’s! They reminded me of the day I embarrassed my brother-in-laws for cussing out our waitress. It went something like this; she took our beer orders, left, and almost immediately went back to the table she was previously flirting with – young dudes, naturally! We noticed the beer bottles were placed on the bar (We don’t drink the pitchers there because for some reason the beer has a tin or metallic taste, and we’ve even noticed it in the bottles! Must buy in bulk is all we can figure!). We kept waiting for the waitress, whose belly was pooching out over her tight orange short-shorts, and she was obviously too busy making time to notice. Finally, mostly because we are Americans and hate hot beer, my brother-in-law goes to the bar and gets the four beers.

When we are almost finished with the beer, Miss “too stupid to know old men can make car payments in tips if stroked enough,” comes back quickly, still looking over her shoulder at the “young table” and asks if we want another round. We say yes, she turns in the order, and returns to her hand-on-stuck-out-hip stance at the other table.

The beer is placed on the bar; we look in her direction, and give her 10 minutes. No beer…so Ron gets the beer the second time.

We have now had enough and have decided not to eat lunch there and want our tab so we can leave. Eventually, with dry bottles in front of us, we wave at her and finally get her attention. She wobbles over and asks if we want another round. I say NO…we need our ticket.

“Oh,” she said, “So you’re leaving me?”

“Yes, we are going somewhere where we can get waited on!”

“What do you mean? I waited on you and brought you your beers!”

“Bull shit,” I say, “Ron here went and got our beer off the bar twice while you were over there flirting with the young dudes! I sure hope they tip you as well as we would have, ‘cause you AIN’T gittin’ nothing from us!”

She threw the ticket on the table, and instantly I detected she had charged us for an extra beer. The old hand went up and I pointed out her mistake. She was furious and stormed off. We left a dime on the table – which should have inferred her service wasn’t worth a dime!

Anyway…did not mean for that to go on so long, but suffice it to say we don’t go there anymore. “You mean you go to Hooter’s for the beer?” Used too!

Moving on down from the left is: another Marlboro memento for a keychain, two dinning room cards from two Carnival cruises, a pair of 3-D glasses that still come in handy occasionally for TV, a plastic Cracker Jack bookmark, a special trigger housing for an SKS (that’s all I’ll say here about it), the backstage and onstage pass I once got for an Allman Brothers concert (once in a life time event), a tiny deck of World’s Fair playing cards, a P-38 Folding Pocket Can Opener that I’d like to say I had in Vietnam, but I actually lost that one and bought this one at a gun show, a 60 year celebration pin from K-25 where I used to work, a SecurID card I used for access to network equipment at work, and lastly but not least, a 1997 game schedule card from when Peyton Manning played at UT. Old Peyton never could do for us what Tee Martin did the next year, but he was good and did a lot for promoting our university.

You probably did not enjoy this trip down memory lane as much as I did, but I’m glad you came along anyway. See ya soon!


phlegmfatale said...

WOOOHOO! I'm first! Anyway, I've already sullied several of your recent posts with my pithy comments this morning. Sorry I haven't had time to make the rounds as I prefer, but I just wanted to let you know I feel so at home here that I've added you to my blog roll over at Fatale Abstraction, and long overdue, it was. Great blog. LOVE it.

oh, and that Allman onstage pass is the coolest! I love little collections of stuff like this. It's like a thumbprint to a psyche. And I still want those earrings from the last post. Oh, and that numbskull at Hooter's - way to tell her off. What a maroon!

Mushy said...

Yeah, I can't believe you beat both FHB and Goddess, but glad you did.

Thanks for the link...I've reciprocated and now we'll both grow more famous!

Goddess said...

Doesn't count, I'm at work!!! LOL;)

Now, Musy, when you say "stroked"....

phlegmfatale said...

Thank you, and you're welcome. Funny, but the first time in today I didn't catch the title of this post because I was running for the barn - "Keep your drawers clean" - funny!

Mushy said...

Stroked - not as much as you would think - nowadays, just be there with a fresh beer before the other ones runs out, or just brush against your side as she asks, "Ready for another?" is all it takes to rate top dollar tips from me!

Ranger Tom said...

Hmmm... "Special" trigger group from an SKS...


Mushy said...

;) back at ya!

I think we understand each other.

Thanks for dropping by Ranger Tom. I've been checking you out lately too.

Fathairybastard said...

Man, see what happens when I go out of town for a day and a half? Feel like a groom who just came home and found out everyone's been in there before him. Anyway, please tell me that's a Vietnam bring-back full auto trigger group? That would be cool as hell.

The concert pass is the next coolest thing there, by far. I thought when you told me about that before that it had happened 20 years ago. Very cool.

And I'm LMAO over the Tostitos bag you've saved on the top shelf. You're a sad little man. Actually, I don't see anything wrong that, or the toy cars. I'm just amazed yer wife lets you display them. It's been my experience that those are usually the sorts of things that end up in a box in the attic, replaced by silly little candles and little baskets of potpourri and crap she buys at Hobby Lobby or Cracker Barrel, right? Your wife must truly be special.

Mushy said...

Well, all I'll say is it isn't a bring-back.

Yeah, pretty sad, the Tostitos part, but it was 1998 the last time our UT won the championship.

And, my wife is the coolest! Took me a long time and a lot of frogettes to find her!

Of course, it is MY room. She was either going to kill me for snoring or I move out, so me and my stuff moved.

She once had a "hen party" and they toured the house and one lady said, "Oh, I didn't know you had a little boy?" Wife laughed and said, "Yeah, my little boy is my husband!"

Fathairybastard said...

Wow. Very nice. My folks have about the same arrangement. It's cool if you are comfortable enough with one another not to have to be cheek-to-jowell all the time. Seriously, you may have sleep apnia, in which case you should see someone. They've traced that to all sorts of life shortening issues, like pissing the wife off too much.

Mushy said...

My wife has diagnosed me. They say you stop breathing often if you have apnia - she says I never stop! Although, I'm sure she wished it a hundred times before we agreed I need my own room or I'd wake up dead one morning.

Besides, it's fun tip-toeing across the hall at night - why I tiptoe, I don't know...just us here!

Becky said...

They have good food too:) Kind of dumb of that waitress to hit on teh younger guys that probably don't have nearly as much money as the older ones would!

Fathairybastard said...

Really. That's a damn good point Becky makes. Just goes to show ya, she was probably trollin' for dick. If she were after the cash she'd a been flirtin' over at the dead pecker bench, gettin' some of that retirement money.