Saturday, August 05, 2006


Well, it's not Sunday yet, but here's my goes out to someone special:

How do you survive as an only child, or as a lonely person? You have to find someone to talk to, and maybe someone who will give you a hug at just the right time. But it was a little difficult in my situation, but I worked it out in my own way.

I was born in a little town in North Alabama, in 1946, in my great-grandfather’s bed. Mom had gotten too impatient at the hospital and came home early. My dad gave ol’ Doc Cotton a five-dollar bill for his trouble. I was an only child until my brother came along when I was ten. As do many only children I talked with myself and spent hours in the company of imaginary friends. I even knew at an early age that I was the marrying type. I wanted to be needed.

I often pretended to be Flash Gordon as I played on mother's bed, and fiercely protected a pillow propped against my back, as I fought off all kind of evil aliens. The pillow was Dale, Flash's beautiful girlfriend, and just as real to me. I was there for her, and she was there for me.

My family moved on the average of every 1.3 years, which meant I attended nine different schools in my first twelve years of education, it was hard to get to know someone well enough to let them inside your head. I used humor to break the ice during my many first days at school, or when meeting new people. And even though I could not carry a tune in a bucket, I have always used music and movies to validate my feelings, and it still seems to work today to a certain extent. However, today I have found a better way to cope with loneliness.

"One is the loneliest number you'll ever do,” is a line from a song by Three Dog Night. This and songs like, "Tears of a Clown,” and "Tuesday is Gone" were songs I easily identified with. I was "one" for many years. I think this had a lot to do with me latching on to God by age fourteen. I could talk to Him at any time. He got me through the dark and lonely nights in Vietnam, as I stood post on the airfield at DaNang. He helped me through the University of Tennessee, and was with me as I drove back and forth from forty miles away for three solid years - alone.

It was to God that I held my only son up to, on a beautiful starlit night, just like Kunta Kenta, in the movie “Roots,” and asked that He might use him in is work. He also helped me when my first marriage ended in divorce, after the sin of pride invaded us both. This was followed by a brief marriage born out of loneliness and lust that was barely consummated. Having been raised and baptized a "good" Baptist this second mistake nearly ended my life.

In a drunken fit and rage born of loneliness, I hugged a shotgun and contemplated the worst. After realizing that it would be my mother who would find my brains in Picasso like patterns on the wall, I quickly threw the shotgun aside and went boldly before the throne: "You said you would never put on me more than I could take...well this was almost it. I can't handle it anymore! You've got to take care of it from now on or I won't be responsible for what happens."

It was barely two weeks later, after being pressured into attending a class reunion, that I was prodded into speaking to Judy, whom I had secretly admired through my junior and senior years in high school. Since then Ms. Judy and I have not been apart in twenty-six years. And since then I have not done anything without consulting my Heavenly Father.

One is not a lonely number anymore. Judy and I are one, and you see, He is One too! The difference between what one was and what one is now, is His ONE includes us all. We are all the same. We are all His children.

I am only telling you this because God asked me to. I encourage you to seek friendships that are joined as One. Seek like minds, like goals, and warm hearts burning to share love, as He first loved us. I do think we are failing in the instructions of Paul. We do not greet each other enough in “an Holy kiss,” and I submit that you cannot give a proper kiss without first giving a proper hug!

So how do you survive being lonely? Find a buddy, talk to them, hug them, and most importantly, keep talking to your daddy, as a friend often refers to God. He will be what you need. You might even try going to Church, joining a social club, or even start a blog! Yes, you will be surprised at the friends you find in the blogging community. You will find brothers and sisters with common interest and experiences are what you need. And start greeting your friends with a hug and maybe “an Holy kiss,” at least on the cheek!


Fathairybastard said...

I think I can relate to some of your story, but religion has never been the answer for me. I was a service brat, and we moved around a lot, and I was the new kid over and over. I always had trouble making friends or relating to other people and so developed a handy capacity to stay to myself a great deal. I developed lots of trust issues, and still have very few deep connections with others to this very day. I was brought up with my families religious beliefs, which were taken for granted, like patriotism, in my household. But now, having grown up and seen a bit more of the world, I see most organized religions as frankly more trouble to mankind than they are worth. The opiate of the masses, as someone said. Too many ugly things done in their name. Outside the strict confines of a religion, spirituality is a completely different thing. What I hear in your story is a deep spirituality born out of suffering, which I can respect. Thing is, my ears start to shut down when anyone tells me I need to surrender myself to anything. Don't trust it, or the people who profess it. Too guarded of who I am to do that. I'll want to know who's idea God I should accept. I know that when I go through a deeply emotional time, like the death of someone close to me, I easily revert back to the old faith that I had for so long and never questioned. But it goes away, or back to the shadows, as soon as the emotions subside. Anyway, I guess everyone has to go through this spiritual journey. I'm glad you found a good place to be.

Mushy said...

Wonderful open thoughts and I appreciate them. I am no longer a Baptist or attend an organized church. I'm much more libeal (god I hated saying that) in religion today than I was then. If you have time, read "Gardens All Misty Wet With Dew" from Sept. 23, 2005.

My God is much more than today's religion makes him.

Thanks for the read and I was not trying to force anything on anyone, just explaining how I've made as a lonely soul in this world.

However, we do need each other in this world as evidenced by reading blogs.

Fathairybastard said...

Didn't feel you were preachin too much. Points well taken. Enjoy reading yer stuff. Thanks for visitin mine.

Mushy said...

You are a hoot, my friend.

Fathairybastard said...

Found it (Gardens), and read it. Have to say, I used to work with a few seminary students 23 years ago or so, when I lived in Ft. Worth, and I'd love to hear them get all worked up reading it. That would be a riot. Your picture of things sounds pretty nice to me. I like what I hear there. It's just not within me to be someone who overtly believes in these things. I acknowledge it, have nothing against it, but don't find a way to make a place for it in my life. I know I need it when the emotions come, but if I had to make a judgment, I'd have to say that religious faith is a testament to mans ability over the millennia to intellectually elaborate on a story, to create something that all people need to fill the psychic void created by self-awareness. We are the only critters we know about who wonder what is gonna happen next, after we die. Maybe that ancient question is evidence to some of a higher being. To me, it explains why we need religion, but it doesn't give me evidence of its reality. I mean, I'm not against the idea. I hope it's true. I know that if I do get to go up there and find out that they don't allow pets, I aint goin. My sister and I go around and around about these things. She has a hippy-like innocence about these things. Guess she was a bit more influenced than I was as a kid, but also augmented it with a lot of "new age" crud that just cracks me up. She's got a personal relationship with Jesus, but I don't think it's one you'd recognize. I guess I intellectualize everything. Have a hard time with the idea of having unquestioning faith in something that sounds made up to me. Anyway, enjoy. I hope it's true. We'll all find out one of these days. Gonna be a big surprise for somebody, one way or the other.

Fathairybastard said...

Just went through your pictures. Very nice.

Mushy said...

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

It's these things I like to discuss over beer - it frees the soul!