Saturday, January 06, 2007


My brothers-in-law, my son, and I frequent Bailey’s Sports Grille in Knoxville at least once a month. It would be more often if we did not live so far away, but when our wives, who are sisters, meet for a day of girly shopping, we meet for a day of manly man shopping!

About half the time we meet early and have breakfast, either at a little “Handee Burger” in Kingston, or at a Cracker Barrel on the way. This leaves us time to first stop at Gander Mountain, then buzz over to Best Buy, Pep Boys, the Disc Exchange, the Leaf & Ale, and some times Dick’s Sporting Goods. The latter is always the butt of the “Yawl like Dick’s?” joke which no one dares fall for anymore.

Finally, with all your manly man purchases – latest war game, cammo-insulated gloves, box of some type of shells, maybe a new bag of lint-free rags and patches, latest PlayStation Halo game, latest concert DVD or CD by some old rock band, a couple of new fancy looking cigars, and set of new wiper blades – we’re ready for lunch.

As we walk into Bailey’s, everyone raises their “mug club” mugs and shouts, “NORM!”, or Steve, Ron, Mushy, Corey, and the bartender starts sitting our usual drafts on the bar. Well…not really, but we are working on it! Give us time…the way we tip, I mean we make young girl’s car payments; they will soon remember us. They already would if they didn’t have such turnover there! Maybe we need to tip more…hummm?

Another thing we have noticed is that it is a requirement that the girls hired have a tattoo right above the crack of their butts! They remind me of that old SNL skit on tat removal!

Anyway, we know then, as we take our usual table for six in the back near the waitress’ order station, that we can relax, have a round of “bottomless chips & salsa,” (obviously written prior to becoming a caveman) a cold draft or tea (for my son), and pick out which of the 35 or more TVs we are going to watch. Checking the menu comes later, but until the chips are gone we will just quench our thirst – thank you.

It feels like home as we sit back, rub our bellies, and fire up our cigar choice of the month. As the smoke twirls its way up to the electrostatic filters and makes a little popping sound, we think to ourselves that next time we come they will know our names!

Before parting again, we stop in at Frontier Firearms to refresh our memories on what gun oil, leather, black powder, and bluing smells like! If one of us has stashed away enough, we all get to share the thrill of buying a new firearm. “Smells so good!” we say in unison as it gets passed around!

“Where Everybody Knows Your Name”
by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo - Cheers Lyrics

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows Your name.


Alisa said...

There's nothing as good as the smell of CLP :)

I want to do manly shopping! That sounds more fun than trying on shoes.

Anonymous said...

I would *love* to follow a bunch of guys around and listen to them while they shop. I think it would be very enlightening...

Anonymous said...

I envy you for your lifestyle! I can only dream of having in-laws who would sit down with me, for a drink & bullshit session! If I were to sit down with them, it would have to be in a "defensive-position", that is, in a corner, where nobody could sneak-up BEHIND me!

EC said...

Now that definately sounds like a great manly time!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Friends an' lovers:

I is just lettin' everybodder know that I gots a conscious and that I promise not to be sayin' no more cuss words or no more pseudo-cuss-words on Miss Trash's blog.

I love you all. Word to yo motha.

Your friend,
Me (Mushy, not an imposterator)

Anonymous said...

That's the life, fer sure.

jan said...

You should shoot a videotape for a great new pilot, "Manly Shopping." I'd watch it.

Mushy said...

Glad you all liked my 4 shot merge! I love PhotoShop.

G Bro said...

Wait a minute! Did you say your son married your wife's sister?

"I'm my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa.
It sounds funny, I know,
But it really is so,
Oh, I'm my own grandpa."

Anonymous said...


Yore photoshop skills is fantastickal!

Anonymous said...

"Manly shopping", tonight on Bravo.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like a fun day, not unlike the one I just had. And that SNL skit is hilarious.